Assalamualakum warahmatullah. And all good greeting.

1st of all, sorry for the break again. There’s nothing much below if you continue reading. Its just my personal ramble. Kalau rasa nak ambil iktibar, silakan. Kalau rasa benda ni useless, sila tinggalkan. We’re living in a democracy country right. 😀

This is for somebody, I LOVE very much. Yet, I’m sorry if I’m making mess in your life. We dont know each other, never see each other, not even a ‘bestfriend’. And whatever it is Allah destined us to be like this. I’m not the one who tie a knot connecting our hearts. It was HIM, The Almighty. Is it a match make in heaven? ahaks! No, it never was. It was what base on our same aqeeda.

I’m not being judgemental. Not even thinking of being one. Knowing you is a bless. I dont know whats the best word other than alhamdulillah for the moment I knew you in my life. Eventho you might think knowing me is a mess :P.

I never wear your shoes. I’m just a mere outsider who did care about you. Haha. You may call me ‘penyebok’ or anything similar to it. I just want to talk about under the big topic ‘rezeki’ here.

Lain orang, Allah tulis lain rezeki dia. Ada orang rezeki dia nun dalam laut. Ada orang rezeki dia nun atas langit. Ada orang rezeki dia ada family yang sangat caring. Not even miss a birthday. Ada orang rezeki dia harta yang bermilion-milion. Ada orang Allah bagi dia pass all the exams in their lives. Not even being fail even once. Ada orang Allah bagi dia setiap hari, nasi semangkuk je rezeki dia. Tapi, manusia… dia tak pernah rasa cukup. Dan memang fitrah tu yang Allah jadikan pada manusia.

Verily, man was created very impatient (70:16)

Tiap kali rasa diuji, tengok orang yang berada di atas. Dan jangan sekali-kali lupa untuk tengok orang yang di bawah kita. Have faith.

Tapi, bahagia tu isu hati. Yang tak ada manusia boleh judge. Kita rasa bahagia bila kita rasa cukup. Tapi tu lah, bila entah manusia ni reti nak bersyukur. Even, me myself. Its such a hard task. Kita jealous tengok orang lain yang mak ayah dia selalu belikan hadiah, mainan bila anak dia mintak. Kita selalu jealous bila kita tengok family lain hang out together at the park. While, us at the same moment, alone. Tak ada orang pun nak teman. Kalau nak beli something to appreciate ourselves pun kena kumpul duit sendiri, beli barang tu sendiri. Even a present when you got the 1st place in the competition.

Trust yourself first to trust other. You kept thinking that you’re alone. But actually you are not. And never was. Yes, we’ve Allah by our side. Always. And do remember Allah also created us in a society. Dont just looking at a ‘big’ society. You’ve parents eventho you dont have other siblings. You’ve housemates, you’ve your collegues, you’ve friends. Allah tak pernah tinggal kita floating in confusion alone. Allah bagi kawan, use them well. Apa guna kawan kalau tak boleh dengar masalah. If you think that you’re just being a burden for them when you tell what do you feel about your life, please and please. They never think of it. They wanna help you as much as they can. But please… express it to people you trusted.

Tak salah nak merasa disayangi. Dan tak salah untuk jadi ‘lembik’ sekali sekala. (our definition for lembik is the same :P) Tak pernah salah pun untuk kita menangis, lagi tak salah untuk kita express emotion kita. Nak marah, marahlah. Nak menangis, menangislah. Nak ketawa, laugh out loud.

I just understand, sometimes our parents were not in our boat. There’re still boundaries to avoid them being worried of ourselves. I’m not calling you a coward. Never was. Its just you yang very unique. You’re special in your own way. But I hate it when you’re sick thinking-keeping your problem alone. You said your laugh outside was fake. But I never see so. You keep saying you have multiple personality disorder. But actually you’re not. You’re yourself. You have multiple feelings that you can express it.

We all have our dark-evil parts. But its just normal. Allah memang letak nafsu dalam setiap manusia. At the same time, Allah also gives us a very healthy mind to guide us. We live in this world by choosing between two things. We live by making decisions. Choose the best. Eventho sometimes, kita jadi ‘hanyut’ sekejap. Manusia mana tak pernah buat dosa, manusia mana yang tak pernah rasa dia ‘lonely’ dalam dunia ni. Tapi… takkan kita nak putus asa daripada rahmat Allah yang sangat luas tu kan.

You’re so strong. Sampai Allah uji dengan macam-macam benda. I’m not that strong. To be honest. But, by the time Allah bagi ujian pada kita, Allah kirim sekali rasa ‘wanna hold firm to HIM’. Allah bagi sekali ‘fasobrun jameel’. Allah bagi sekali ‘faith in HIM’. You’re so lucky, Allah uji tu untuk kaffarah dosa kita. Maybe all you sins already wiped away at the same sec you tears fall. Maybe your level of jannah already reaches the most-high-class, being a rafeeq to Beloved Prophet pbuh at the time you shout in pain. You’re so strong coz in this world, berapa banyak dah tanaman untuk di’harvest’ kat akhirat nanti. Have a firm, husnu dzon with HIM. Insya-Allah, by the time you looking at what’ve happened you feel you’re blessed all the time. Orang beriman, Allah memang akan uji lebih.

I dont know whats the best word for you. But whatever it is. If you’ve problems, dont keep it alone. I want to lend my ear anytime, everytime if you want. But as I said before, I’m just a mere outsider, making mess in your life. But do knows… I LOVE YOU. As a lil sister. (eventho you might want a brother :D. I’m just a sister. Who really hoping and willing to help you. Without invading the boundaries you’ve set for me and others)

I LOVE YOU sis and I never lost my faith in you. 😀

Ya Allah, kurniakanlah bahagia di dunia dan akhirat untuk dia. Yang aku sayangi kerana-Mu.

The End.

p/s: The video below dedicated to Kak Anis :D. You told me you love this song right?